I recently went to pay a visit to my friend, Merve. As the two of us were talking, her 6-year old daughter was running around and playing with her friend in the house. From time to time they would scream and bang the doors.
With a third slam of a door, my friend interrupted our conversation. She got up and calmly went to her daughter's room. She cracked open the door and said quietly, “When you slam the doors like that, I can't hear what Hakan is saying to me." She returned and we resumed our conversation from where we had left off. There was no more ruckus.
No scoldings, no warnings, no demands! Just self-expression...
My clients who come to me for relationship coaching typically have the following exchanges:
- It annoys me when my husband/boyfriend/partner calls me and cuts it short. (You can substitute any situation here that makes you uncomfortable.)
- So, have you told him this?
- No, I haven`t.
- Well then, how is he going to know this unless you express it?
As we express ourselves openly in our relationships, we make it easier for the other person to understand our needs; then the communication starts.